I've recently been reading this book, 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus'.
I was bored during the holidays, and thanks to Martian Ooi, I've found an interesting something to do these few days, LoL. I've really learned a lot from this book- things which I thought I knew before this, and things which I thought were problems weren't actually problems but are more of differences which arises due to the natural behaviour of both men and women. So thanks a lot for giving me this chance to better understand the opposite sex! xD -really appreciate it. This book tells us about what really goes on in relationships; differences that arises between the two sexes which often causes unnecessary misunderstanding and bickering between millions of couples in the world.
Why are couples always arguing? Why can't they get along well? Why do breakups happen due to the slightest misunderstandings? This is because most of us do not realise that men and women are actually from two totally different worlds. Things that are considered the norm in Mars aren't actually applicable in Venus. Infact almost everything works the other way round.
When men are facing problems, they tend to keep it to themselves and prefer to solve it by themselves. They want to be able to solve it by themselves if possible. That's why when they're in this kind of situation, they'd stay quiet for quite a while.
Women on the other hand likes to let everything out. They talk to other women about their problems and by doing so, it helps to make them feel better. For a women, it is only right that we listen and help our fellow Venusians solve whatever's bothering them. That is why a woman thinks its the right thing to do when their favourite Martian is facing a problem. But infact, it brings upon a counter-productive effect. The woman has the intention to help him (as it is a way of showing that she cares for him) but the man reads it like this 'You think I don't know how to handle this on my own. You think I'm incapable of solving even my own problems, then how are you going to trust me to handle even bigger matters in future?'
So, conclusion is that a man needs a woman's loving acceptance and not her advice or criticism. I've just realized this fact when I read this book and I believe that in the past, I've done similar mistakes too. I now know how it feels to a guy. In the past, I think it was last year, I made a big mistake by trying to offer advice and lending help to him, resulting in him turning away. I was sincerely trying to help out because that's what I'd do to other of my girlfriends and in return he backed out. Ended up, I got real mad for no reason and was disappointed in him. I thought he didn't care and I was not even worthy of giving advice. But now I know what's really been going on and I shouldn't have got mad last time and it was my mistake for not knowing this fact earlier. We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us, they will react and behave in certain ways we react and behave when we love someone.
The same thing goes when a women expresses what is bothering her to a man. He thinks she is expecting a solution from him, but most of the time, all she needs is for him to listen and pay attention to her. Remember, men wants to be trusted while women wants caring.
One more thing is that a man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or incompetent. In a relationship, its all about give and take. He may give more in certain aspects and less in other aspects, while she may help complete what is lacking. One does not have to be good in everything to think that he can only then be ready or good enough for her. Don't go try changing yourselves, just be who you are cause that's the reason you two fell for each other in the first place. Why force a change in yourself till it affects other aspects in your life?
So girls out there, just to reassure him from time to time, keep supporting him by showing your loving acceptance, show that you trust him, and always show your appreciation. Most of the time, women don't think of giving appreciation because they assume a man knows how much she appreciates. Well, this is what's in the book- He Doesn't Know! LoL. So, this is where communication comes in! ~
Ps. More to come in my next post, when I've read the other chapters...XD
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